I sit in my bedroom whilst writing this, periodically staring out my window at the world below me. I have a very nice house, sat on a hill over looking the village and further to the sea. Day’s like today I stare out the window and I don’t see the sea, the sea may however see me 😉 I see people walking their dogs, coming back from work, people going for a jog or just going about their day – to – day business. Sometimes I wonder what goes on behind closed doors. Their struggles, their joys, their mundanity and their excitement. I try and stop sometimes to remember my life is privileged comparatively. I wonder whether they see us, the posh house on the hill. I wonder if they think the world behind our doors is one of plush and gilt. I wonder if they think our life must be so fantastic. Today as I stare out I occasionally feel a small pang of jealousy. Today I would like to be ‘normal’. To walk, to have a job, to have the energy to walk the dog or go for a run.
Why today this is hitting so hard, well today I went to have a look-see at the independent living centre, to see what could be done to make my life easier around my home. The answer is there are some amazing things out there. However, here comes the biggest but, we can’t have anything unless we pay for it ourselves. Unfortunately or fortunately depending what side of the fence you care to sit, we are not eligible for a grant. Of course like anything disability-wise it cost an absolute fortune. It frustrates me endlessly life could be so much better for disabled people, if everything wasn’t so prohibitively expensive. It feels sometimes companies are on the make, just because people with disabilities have no choice but to use them. As such now we have to make some tough choices. Today I don’t want to have to use a wheelchair. Today I don’t want to be disabled. Today I just want to be ‘normal’.
This is today. Tomorrow I will be back to finding ways to push forward and enjoy my life despite its limitations. Today, a little rain must fall. Tomorrow is for growth.
Wheelchair Rambler 